Episode Transcript
speaker-1 (00:03)
Alright, well welcome back everybody. We are really excited to be here and talking about a special Halloween episode. We've had some questions come in actually, even long before Halloween. We had some questions come in about monsters and just in general how to help children deal and manage their fears.
speaker-0 (00:06)
Thank you.
Cool. Wonderful.
speaker-1 (00:30)
⁓ and so we thought we'd tie this into a Halloween episode and we've gotten some other questions specifically around Halloween decorations and how do we talk to children about them and and a few other questions and then we're gonna talk about candy and kind of boy, yes, share our experiences of some of the strategies that we've used around managing the Halloween candy and also just some ideas that we've done with our own.
Kids over the years. So we're excited to be here. we'll jump in with the first question ⁓ is from a parent, and she says that her I have a question about all the Halloween stuff. My oldest is reassured when we tell him it's fun, pretend. But my youngest, who is two,
Does not like the spooky Halloween walks. The ten foot tall werewolf werewolf around the corner really unsettled him.
speaker-0 (01:34)
I can imagine. Right. And I can imagine, you know, we were talking about how Halloween decorations are now showing up in stores in August. So that's true. You know, you go into the market or you go, you know, to any of these stores and there it is. Yeah. And ⁓ it's it can be overwhelming for adults. Yeah. But for k little kids, picture how big it is and how
loud it is and how scary it is. and I think a four year old can can under better understand pretend, whereas a two year old everything is pretend. You know, they it's very hard for them to to to ⁓ distinguish between what's real and what's not real. Yes. And so say so I think y you know, some other strategies are are helpful.
speaker-1 (02:26)
Yeah, yeah, definitely. And like you said, kind of unavoidable. Like even if we wanted to protect them from seeing that scary stuff. Like we can certainly protect them from seeing scary movies and that kind of thing. Although sometimes around this time of year too, the trailers that will come on, like if you're watching, you know, a Valkyries game and a trailer for a spooky movie. I mean it's right. It's
speaker-0 (02:46)
Hard to escape.
speaker-1 (02:49)
but yeah, so I think some of the strategies, like you said, recognizing developmentally that, you know, younger children are not gonna know the difference. so how would you talk to a two-year-old versus a four-year-old about this, right?
speaker-0 (03:04)
And and as we know as adults, some of us love horror movies. The scarier the better. Some of us absolutely leave the room if there's a horror movie on. So there's a wide range of there's a reason why all those horror movies are so popular because many humans love being terrified. I don't get it, but yeah I'm I'm on the other end of the of the spectrum. ⁓ but I think that as best you can prepare your child with
without overdoing it, be very calm, matter of fact, and get them to talk. Kids, I think what we don't do is talk with open-ended questions to kids so they can get to sort of the core of their fear or their concern. So I love to ask and then what would happen? So you might prepare your child, we're gonna go out and yes there's that big ⁓ werewolf aro around the corner. What
Tell me more about that werewolf. Well, you know, it would bite me. and then and then what would happen? Where would it bite you? And just to try to get them to talk a little bit about it. And then of course you're gonna do some reassuring. But I've had kids I've used that and then and then ⁓
line of questioning very low key and obviously you stop if a kid doesn't want to do it. And I've gotten some unbelievable information about kids about what they think is gonna happen. And it's scary. You know, he's gonna bite my arm off and and give it to the dog or something you know, something that you would never even think of. And then the question is
speaker-1 (04:33)
Yeah.
speaker-0 (04:43)
a problem solving question. What would make you feel better? What would make you feel safer? Mm-hmm. Sometimes it's an object that they could take with them. Mm-hmm. I know parents who, you know, you don't want to overtake it too much. Some parents get so into this that they they create a whole nother thing. But they make ⁓ like give a spray monster spray. You're you'll know what your child will relate to better than than anybody and you can, you know,
speaker-1 (05:03)
The monster spray.
speaker-0 (05:15)
do a lot of reassurance and you can tell isn't it funny? Some people love this and some people don't. And so we're gonna see some of these creatures, these monsters, but they're not real and I'll be there with you and they'll
speaker-1 (06:16)
⁓ okay. We're back.
speaker-0 (06:17)
In progress.
So, you know, finding helping your child to be part of the solution, so not taking it over so that you're doing doing more problem solving. Yeah. What would help you to feel safer? What would make you feel better? And you know, ⁓ maybe having some masks in the house and you put it on and say, See, I'm I'm behind it. Yes. Doing something more tangible.
speaker-1 (06:48)
Yes. Yeah. And I was doing that in Explorers our Explorers class this week with the puppets and had them in like a hat and then took the hat off and then I had like a witch's hat headband thing and you know took it put it on and then said, but look, it's still teacher Rebecca and then Yeah, that's great. Yeah, yeah. And also I think ⁓ for two year olds just, you know,
speaker-0 (07:08)
For especially for a two year old.
speaker-1 (07:17)
you know, you could even talk to them about some of the characters behind it. Like if you can find a friendlier story about a Frankenstein and for kids or
speaker-0 (07:27)
There's some there's some great books out there. Yeah. And you could also make a book. You could make a Halloween book. And then you could give the points that you want to get across again. You don't have to be an artist, stick figures. Yes. ⁓ but ⁓ most kids love ⁓ an experience book because it has a beginning, a middle and an end. Yes.
speaker-1 (07:45)
Yes. Well and that's a good idea for just if you're you know
if your child is feeling nervous or you you're predicting they might feel nervous about trick or treating, just doing a quick stick figure book about, you know, we we put on our costume, you know, just draw the the bunny ears, like very simple. And then we went, you know, and there were a lot of people on the street and then we got some candy and we saw this and then we came home and we went to and then we you know, we took a a bath and we went to bed or whatever. So that they see
speaker-0 (08:17)
Yeah, ⁓ kids most kids love that ⁓ kind of a book. And again, very simple yeah and beginning and middle and then the end.
speaker-1 (08:27)
Yeah. But I love especially for the older kids to kind of get at and you you're are you are assuring them, right? Like when they say it's gonna bite me, would you would you say would you just say and then there or would you say
speaker-0 (08:41)
I you know, if when it gets to that point y you know, then you wanna be very reassuring and say that would never happen these these you know, these or just pretend, but that's what you're afraid that might happen. So you would write it down or you would answer it, but then you w w w back it up with reassurance.
speaker-1 (09:02)
You kind of get to the heart of it. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. great. ⁓ yeah, and other like friendly characters, like you know, if they're afraid of like a bat thing, you could do like Celluluna and show them like a positive bat book or something. ⁓ and just yeah, helping them. But this that kind of leads to another question of like, and I think you meant
Mention this. I I mean I love the idea of the monster spray or something like bringing something with them, right? Yeah.
speaker-0 (09:32)
What and again it's for them to figure that out, ⁓ hopefully. I mean obvious if they get stuck you could help them, but you know, what would make you feel more comfortable? What would make you feel less afraid? Whatever words, you know.
speaker-1 (09:46)
Yeah, yeah, I like that. ⁓ but that kind of leads to another question, which is
Today.
⁓ okay. And and yeah, I think this also leads to another question that we've gotten around how do we help ki kids feel confident going out of their comfort zones or how to handle not feeling confident leaving their comfort zones without forcing them into a power struggle or resorting to bribing them. ⁓ which I think can relate to
Yeah. Yeah, it's tricky. But I think, you know, that can obviously ⁓ come out around Halloween, like a child, you know, that doesn't like big crowds and we're going into a big crowd or ⁓ but any other time of the year, right? It could be a birthday party, it could be, you know, other holiday events that are coming up. But what is I think, you know, the parent is asking, what is a balance between how do we sort of push kids out of their comfort zones, but at the same time, ⁓
you know, sort of honor who they are.
speaker-0 (11:10)
Yeah. And most of us were raised by well meaning parents who would say, you're not afraid of that. That's nothing to be afraid of. And inside you're going, ⁓ yeah. Yeah. ⁓ so yeah, it is finding a way of really hearing what the ki child's saying without saying to them, No, you don't feel that way. Yeah. and that's very hard not to do, especially if you're raised that way, but also because it makes us uncomfortable if our kids are un afraid or uncomfortable. We don't want them to be.
that way. So no you're not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's a really good question. And I think again it takes work
speaker-1 (11:42)
Yeah. It'll be fine. It'll be fine.
speaker-0 (11:51)
before the event, you know. having some dress up close so they can act some of this out is really great. Mm some some kind of costumes that they could play with and and and get that it's okay. And then and then that like I said with that experience book, you're gonna map it out. Mm, we're gonna do this, we're gonna go here. Yeah. I'll be right with you, Daddy will be with you, mommy will be with you and then
you know, we'll get some candy and then we'll go home. And so that there's there's a predictability and that monster's not gonna be there yeah all the time. Yeah. This is a special time that he's there and some people really love it and some people don't. Yeah. So
speaker-1 (12:34)
Yeah. I like reminding them about that. I think that's a good point.
speaker-0 (12:38)
Yeah. And I think just ⁓ there are ki you know, I know parents who've spent
a tremendous amount of time making a gorgeous, gorgeous costume for their kid who won't even put their arm in the Yeah. Don't don't have a big fight about it. Really let it go. It's not worth it. You're not gonna make you're gonna squeeze that kid into their costume. They're gonna be hysterical. You're gonna be hysterical. Just say, okay, at some point you're you you know, you might change your mind and I'll leave this home. And you're the adult, let it go. Yeah. But don't get in a power stroke you y you will in inevitably start
power struggle that could ruin the whole night for them, for you guys not to enjoy Halloween. You will, I won't. Just, ⁓ you're not ready for it.
speaker-1 (13:25)
Yeah, or maybe even bring it because maybe they'll change their minds. Maybe
speaker-0 (13:29)
And maybe they won't even want to leave the house. Just prepare yourself for that. You've got years ahead of Halloween. But if a two year old is too afraid to go out and see that, I wouldn't encourage it, but I wouldn't make a big I wouldn't you know ⁓ let it ruin my Halloween.
speaker-1 (13:48)
Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I might I might push back on that a little bit. Yeah, okay. I mean, I would say if I had you know, if I was really looking forward to going out in the neighborhood as a parent and my two year old was really afraid and didn't want to leave the house. huh. I don't know that I I think I would try to find a way to help them be less afraid, talk it through, but I think I would still go out and walk around with that. I don't think I would
speaker-0 (14:14)
They were screaming and and terrified. Sort of Yeah. It I that's what I I I think is
speaker-1 (14:17)
Well, I mean I guess it it it would depend on the
But but in general I would say I wouldn't I wouldn't recommend like if they were like, I don't want to go, okay, we'll stay home.
speaker-0 (14:30)
I don't say that I'm not saying you should do that as the first. You know, you could do the experience book, you could talk about it. Meanwhile the clock's ticking. Yeah, so you want to do this in advance and maybe practice, take a practice run when it's not so busy and scary. But I know parents who then for whatever reason made it such a big deal and everybody fell apart and everybody was upset. That's the thing that's not worth it.
speaker-1 (14:56)
Yeah, definitely. Definitely.
speaker-0 (14:58)
There's other ways to increase that courage. Halloween, you're you're you know, the these new decorations are pretty real looking. And they're noisy and they're scary. Yeah. ⁓ and some kids love it and some kids don't. But I think you know, you want to look at the age of the kid too. A two year old that's that that's asking a lot.
speaker-1 (15:11)
Yeah. And yeah, they certainly have
Yeah, yeah. And and maybe it's, you know, finding something else to do. Like, let's go you know, maybe it's going to a different neighborhood that's a little more right you know, reasonable or low key or something. Right.
speaker-0 (15:38)
If you can keep it low key for this age, you you will be ahead of the game. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not saying don't try at all, but don't make it ⁓ don't let it blow up into a huge Yeah thing where everybody's miserable. No but nobody's enjoying it. Right.
speaker-1 (15:52)
Yeah.
Right, right, totally.
Yeah, the other thing I would say if you have like a maybe three and a half and up, ⁓ as far as like one thing that's been really helpful for my son, my oldest, who can just struggle with like n doing new things or going to events where he's not sure exactly how they're gonna go or he doesn't he's always like, you know, worried that he's gonna be bored or worried that he's not gonna be having fun. ⁓ but for s other kids it could be, you know, all kinds of different worries, right? ⁓ one thing that's really helpful.
him is to just say okay well we'll just go for like 30 minutes and then if you then we'll check in and see ⁓ how you're doing how you like it and we can always change our minds. That's great. Allowing him that flexibility that we can always change our minds has been a game changer to where then he'll almost always be willing to try it if he knows that he can change his mind. Yes. And guess what? He has never
once changed his mind. You know, once he's there, he's super engaged and happy, but it's like getting over that hurdle sometimes and
speaker-0 (17:01)
That's a great story.
This is the creative part of parenting where you get to come up with solutions that work for your child that that are successful. Yeah. I mean that's why the timer I think is so so helpful to parents. If you have a timer, you know, you're giving a time where yeah how long you have before you have to clean up, before you have to go to bed, before you have to go to school. Yeah. And it's the timer that's keeping track of it. In this case
It was you know, having that half hour he knew that you would really do that. Yeah. And that calmed him down enough. Yes.
speaker-1 (17:43)
Yes, definitely. That's great. And so and at some point we also would do like a rating scale where I would say, Okay, on a scale of one to ten, how bad do you think it's gonna be? How horrible is it gonna be? ⁓ or how good is it gonna be? And you know, he would say, It's gonna be a one, you know, or a two and then I'd say, Okay, well we'll check in after thirty minutes and you can tell me And almost always it was like, It's a seven, it's an eight, you know. So ⁓ so yeah, so that's another ⁓
But I think yeah, I think there's a balance, right? I think sometimes if we ⁓ we can certainly push our children too much and do the like you're not afraid, you're fine, you're okay, buck her up. Right. But it can we talk more about like not pushing our children enough? Yeah. I think that would
speaker-0 (18:29)
What do you think it's like? That's that that again it depends on the child. Yeah. But it's having, you know, ⁓
certainly expectations mm that's for the child. And that you can have s like kind of your house rules that you have to tr in like in this case you could build on that. You have to try it. Mm and you have to try it for do you want to try it for tw th in you know, if it's something at home. Do you want to try it for fifteen minutes or do you want to try it for twenty minutes and then you would use the timer for whatever it is. and I I found that that was because it was a timer and not me
thing now. You know, much more cooperative. And tr and willing to try s you know, something where where because they knew there was a time frame. So I think the time frame is really important.
speaker-1 (19:11)
Yes, yes. ⁓
Yeah, I found it. Believe it or not, I I used that same strategy with Joey like last weekend when there was an event at his school that I really wanted to go to and none of his friends were going to. And and I I could not get him to go with me. I almost went by myself and then I remember that strategy from when he was a kid and I said, Okay, let's just go for a half hour and I promise we'll leave if you don't like it and he stayed for the whole two hours. ⁓
speaker-0 (19:47)
that's great. I like that. But yeah, I think parents have to you know, help kids to feel that it's important to try things. Yes. And to not just
speaker-1 (20:03)
Like what you said about making it a family rule.
speaker-0 (20:05)
Yeah, yeah. I I kept those rules up on you know, ⁓ visible out. I would just have to point to them and not have to repeat myself and talk, talk, talk. And that that was really helpful. And you can streamline it to meet your need of whatever.
speaker-1 (20:21)
Yeah. If this is a big you know thing to have that as a rule that we always try something and we can always change our mind. Right. ⁓ we also have an episode that you might want to go back and listen to called
Remember we talked about the bike rides and everything? Like teaching children to ride a bike and how to get over.
speaker-0 (20:47)
yeah, I can't remember where that is.
speaker-1 (20:52)
okay. I'm gonna start again. ⁓ you also, if you're interested in more of this topic, you might also want to go back and listen to episode fifteen where we talked a little bit more about this in overcoming perfectionism, how to encourage risk taking and growth in kids. So we did talk a little bit about ⁓
For example, when a child doesn't want to learn how to ride a bike or doesn't want to, you know, climb on something that maybe their friends are. So you might want to go back and listen to episode 15 as well. Right. ⁓ okay.
Here is another question. ⁓ this one is about monsters, which of course probably is coming up more around this time of year, but can come up anytime. The parent writes in, My question is about monsters. Our two and a half-year-old has recently been pointing out monsters all around the house. They are usually up near the ceilings and curtains. These are not Halloween decorations, these are in his head.
He doesn't seem particularly afraid of them but often brings them up. Actually let me re let me redo this because it was actually a she and I said he. Okay.
Okay, my question is about monsters. Our two and a half year old has recently been pointing out imaginary monsters all around the house. They are usually up near the ceilings and curtains. She doesn't seem particularly afraid of them, but she often brings them up. I'm not sure how to respond when she points to the ceiling and says there's a monster up there.
speaker-0 (22:36)
That's an interesting one. So it doesn't sound like she's afraid. I I think that, you know, what adults do, what parents do at times is then they get so into the kids' fantasy. So some parents might think, ⁓ yes, and look at all those monsters up there and there's a yellow one and they sort of overtake it. Yeah. What I prefer is to say, ⁓ you are seeing something up there. I don't see it. Mm-hmm. But you see it. Tell me about it. What color is it? Yeah. What
speaker-1 (22:39)
Right.
speaker-0 (23:06)
It's its name, you know. But I don't see it. Yeah. So I think if we get too much into the fantasy, then the child is like, wait a second, mommy sees them too. Because I'm not really sure I see them, but I'm gonna talk about it. So we're the reality without being too harsh or too like, what are you talking about, kid? They're not there. Yeah. You say, I don't see them, ⁓ but tell me about them and then ask, you know, some questions.
speaker-1 (23:17)
Mm, that's a good point.
Yeah. No, that's a great balance between Yeah. Yeah, that's a great balance between not denying it, but you could do the same with like an imaginary friend. Right. You know, and saying, I don't see R I don't see
speaker-0 (23:37)
Without overdoing it.
I mean I've heard parents say, and we set a table, you know, we talk to the imaginary friend. I'm like, Really? I mean w the child is watching that going, Geez, maybe may you know, yeah trying to figure out reality and fantasy and the parent is way into their own f into their fantasy. It's too much.
speaker-1 (24:07)
I think. Yes. I think like you said, grounding in your the reality. Right. You're not denying their experience, but you're also not pretending to be a part of it and confusing them. That's right. ⁓ and and tell me more, what color? What is it? Yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah, I like that. ⁓ what about if the child was or becomes afraid of the monsters and starts, you know, I don't want to go to bed, you know, the classic monsters under my bed.
speaker-0 (24:35)
had very good luck with again with problem solving. I see you're really afraid and you're really you're so afraid you don't even want to go to bed. What are we gonna how are we gonna solve this? Mm-hmm. What are we gonna do to make you feel s you know, safer or more comfortable or less afraid? And usually I rarely n
have not had a kid who immediately goes into solution. And when you get a kid in solution, you're halfway home there, you know. Once they want to try to solve it, you're you're on the right track. And it gives them that practice of being a problem solver. Mm-hmm. ⁓ problems are to be solved. They're not bad. They're not horrible. What a gift we could give kids if we, you know, to say it like that. Yeah. And ⁓ and to get them into it. So you might, you know
want to add a a monster spray. I I I err on the caution of not getting too into the solution. You want it to come from them if you can, but you might offer, well would you like your big what about your big teddy bear? What if your big teddy bear was on your on your bed with you tonight? Would that help you? I mean you might offer some solutions. Don't don't jump the gun there. See if they can come up with it themselves.
speaker-1 (25:35)
Or like you said.
Yeah, and I like the idea of with the monster spray, you know, kind of keeping in mind not then going too far into the fantasy with them of saying like, my gosh, there's a monster there, let's spray it.
speaker-0 (26:06)
Yeah, yes. Yes. I yeah, I see adults really
speaker-1 (26:10)
Yeah, but just more saying like, ⁓ well, you know, I don't see them, but you have your spray if you need it and you can spray them or something like that. Yes. and then also yeah, and you know, other suggestions could be I wonder if a night light would help. I wonder if
speaker-0 (26:25)
Right. And then I know what c I'm sure your kids too, they love to hear about when you were little. Yeah. So I would share stories with them about when I was little and when I was afraid and what helped me to get past certain things and and they always thought that was interesting.
speaker-1 (26:35)
That'd be great.
Of course. Yes, they love hearing about that. And it shows that arc for them. Yeah. Like I was afraid, but I overcame. And this is what helped me. And that's very encouraging, I think. Yeah. ⁓ okay, another monster question.
speaker-0 (26:53)
I think so too.
speaker-1 (27:01)
is recently I've been listening to the podcast and really love it. I've heard my question is sorry.
Hi, recently I've been listening to your podcast and really love it. My question is around monsters. What are your thoughts on monsters and how to communicate about them with toddlers and older kids? Wait, sorry. I skipped it. Okay.
Recently I've been listening to the podcast and really love it. My question is about monsters. I've heard people use the concept of monsters to help kids understand what is dangerous, like a monster that grabs kids if they're too close to the street. That's what I was thinking. Or the monsters in your teeth are gonna eat your teeth if you don't brush them.
speaker-0 (27:51)
Cheers. ⁓
Goodness.
speaker-1 (28:01)
I'm hesitant to bring this type of thing up because I don't want to scare our two and a half year old daughter too much. Good instinct, good. Good instinct.
speaker-0 (28:10)
Yeah, you please don't use that method. I think that is ⁓ asking for a lot of more fear and a lot of more misunderstanding. And it's our job, you know, to help kids understand the world ⁓ in a way that is a reasonable ⁓ so adding monsters into your teeth or grabbing you off the sidewalk. I mean, there are parents that use fear. Fear fear can work.
Yeah. And it's an old school way of of disciplining kids. and it's hopefully gone the way of ⁓
speaker-1 (28:49)
Apparently apparently not completely. This parent is writing about it.
speaker-0 (28:52)
I I'm disappointed to hear that because I thought that would be very old, old school. ⁓ yeah.
speaker-1 (29:00)
Well maybe it's worth talking about. Like why why wouldn't we recommend that? Right.
speaker-0 (29:05)
Again, you're using fear. You're using fear to try to change behavior. And what happens with that is the kid gets bigger and smarter, then you have to increase the amount of fear. and
You know, I've I've had parents who have talked to their kids about kidnapping and somebody could come in through your bedroom window and t I mean, that's way too much. Right. ⁓ but either they were raised that way or they really want to scare their kid into whatever it is, staying in bed at night, let's say. ⁓ and it's just it's just i it's inappropriate.
speaker-1 (29:27)
Yeah.
speaker-0 (29:43)
it's not gonna serve you well because again you're gonna have to up the ante as your child gets older if you're gonna use fear based parenting. Yeah. And ⁓ these are little kids. They don't you know, they're l trying to understand the world. Yeah. And using fear, I think is cruel.
speaker-1 (30:03)
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think you can explain the street and say, look at you know, just take a moment, you know, with them in your arms to to say, Do you see the car? Do you see how fast? Like, ouch. Yes. That would hurt, you know.
speaker-0 (30:17)
Yes. And if you you will have to hold my hand when we're crossing the street until I feel that you know that you will stay right with me. No no I don't like that. that's that's my decision 'cause I love you so much. I don't want you to get run over by a car. Yes. And you I will hold you or I will hold your hand until you're ready.
speaker-1 (30:40)
Well, and I think you know, going back a little bit too, like the issue is probably not that the parent isn't holding their hand while crossing the street. It's like walking in the neighborhood. They're not holding their hand until they're running into the street. Yeah.
speaker-0 (30:54)
I I've seen parents often and recently letting their kids run all the way to the end of the street and back. Yeah. Not understanding that cars are backing out of driveways. Yes. And that at three three and four year old is not visible. Yeah. Very frightening to watch. Yeah. So I you know, I I'm conservative in on those areas, but I don't believe in scaring a child into behaving. I don't think it works.
speaker-1 (31:20)
Yeah, absolutely. And I think it brings up a whole nother set of anxiety for your child that's probably gonna last longer than the stage that they're in, right? Yes. Yes. but yeah, you know, I I think ⁓ definitely for if your child is running into the street on you, then it's also just bringing back the stroller and saying, you know, we're gonna go in the stroller until you can show me that you're not
speaker-0 (31:29)
Yeah.
speaker-1 (31:47)
that you're safe and that you're able to, you know, hold my hand and not run in the street. I mean it's very serious and you wouldn't believe how many parents I have ask about this question that their child is running into the street.
speaker-0 (32:02)
Wow. 'Cause I always thought that would be the I always would say that's the one clear thing is nobody is gonna let their kid run into the street because they like to play in traffic or you know. But I yeah, I'm I I get that parents are trying to have like a free range child and have the experience. They're but they're not able to understand about a car running them over.
They're just not. They can tell you. They could tell you the whole story about a car and hurting you and going to the hospital, what they don't really understand. And if you think they do, you're wrong. Yeah. They don't get it. Yeah. And it's your job to keep them safe whether they like it or not. Yes. And in this case, there's no negotiating. ⁓ honey, I know you like to play in the street. Yeah. And I want you to be happy. No. You've shown me you you're not being safe and therefore
You're gonna I'm gonna hold you when we cross the street or get the stroller or hold hands. But you've lost that that
speaker-1 (33:02)
That privilege to be independent or walking. And I know that's that's hard for parents because they love that. But
speaker-0 (33:08)
Again, your concern is not to the child's happiness, but to their well-being.
speaker-1 (33:14)
Yes. Exactly. Thank you, Jonas Halt. Yeah. Okay. And then
speaker-0 (33:19)
Ha ha ha.
speaker-1 (33:26)
Okay. That's good. Okay, so last we wanted to give some ideas about all of this ridiculous amounts of candy that you probably ended up with even for your two or three or four year old. ⁓ after Halloween. ⁓ yeah, what did you guys what did you do? Do you remember?
speaker-0 (33:45)
⁓ I think what we did is ⁓ you know
We talked about how exciting this is and isn't this, you know, great. And that they could have one you know, they could have a couple of pieces that night, but then they could pick something out once a day. Mm-hmm. And then it just sort of lost its, you know. And I would and I would tell them, I'm gonna go through and take out anything that's not wrapped or that doesn't look safe. Not I didn't use the word safe, but you know, doesn't look like it would be delicious. ⁓
And ⁓ and then, you know, they would spend time like a lot of kids do organizing it and and looking at it and admiring it, which yeah, is fun. It's and it's classification is actually a math Yes Skill. Math skill, thank you. but I don't remember it being too big of a deal. ⁓ the because we didn't have a lot of suites going into it. It was
speaker-1 (34:28)
Part of the fun.
speaker-0 (34:46)
Definitely something exciting. Mm-hmm. but there were limits.
speaker-1 (34:51)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I think I mean in our house it it unfortunately was a very big deal because my husband was Australian, didn't have, you know, didn't grow up sugar treating, and so thought this was like some mass corporation's plan to get all Americans addicted to sugar. Right, right. Yeah, probably. If it wasn't originally, it is now. There I they've they've like capitalized on it. but so was
Always a big deal because I think he would come at it of like, this is horrible, this is awful, I don't want you to have anything to do with it. Yeah. And so I think that did create this like kind of ⁓ knee-jerk response of like, you know, no, I I need it and you're taking it away from me and all this stuff. But what
We kind of did over the years w was to have family meetings. I learned at some point that before Halloween we needed to have a family meeting, well in advance. 'cause sometimes it would take three weeks of negotiating between my well stubborn son and stubborn partner. but we needed to put it on the agenda and talk about ideas. And it was actually so amazing to to see two people coming at it from like, you can't take any of my candy. I earned it and it is mine.
And you will have none of that candy.
speaker-0 (36:15)
Wow, I can't wait to hear how you solve that problem.
speaker-1 (36:19)
But it was amazing like through that that art of family meetings where you have this protocol of, okay, well you write down your ideas. We're gonna write down all the ideas. No ideas are not gonna be written down. ⁓ and then we would say I would say, Okay, you know, Justin, you can cross off one of one idea that doesn't work for you. And then Joey could cross off one idea that didn't work for him.
And, you know, slowly we would get to some kind of compromise. and it wa it was pretty amazing to see how that, you know, just the structure of that could actually get two people who were at total odds to some kind of
speaker-0 (37:02)
It's a mira it's always miraculous and lovely to go through something like that. 'Cause i inside you're going, This is never gonna work this is never gonna work and then it works. Yeah. But it does take time. Yeah. And believe believing as much as you can that it'll work.
speaker-1 (37:15)
Yes. And sometimes it was like they agreed that, you know, they would they would get to go through and take some and they would you know, actually one thing that worked was like if my kids knew where the candy was being donated to, ⁓ they were a little more
you know, interested in giving it, like there's an organization called The Crossroads that does youth that works with youth homeless and they accept candy. ⁓ there's you know, you can send it to the military. You can really often yeah. You can bring it to your dentist. ⁓ so there are options. So sometimes we would go through that and that kind of you know at least they they knew that it was maybe something meaningful they were doing. sometimes it was that
We could trade in the candy for quote unquote better candy. So sometimes it was like my husband would go to Rainbow Grocery and at least get chocolate that wasn't in his mind full of preservatives and additives and all these things. And so he would exchange. and that worked some years. sometimes it was, you know, you could trade in a bunch of candy for a dandelion chocolate bar because
We got our kids hooked on dandelion chocolate early on. Swart. Swart. ⁓ so there were there were a number of different solutions I would say that worked over the years. But I will say, I think looking back on it, you know, maybe had we not made it such a big deal, that probably would have been a better solution. Mm-hmm. ⁓ because what I found, you know, after trying various things was that if you just put the candy out of sight and out of mind.
Kind of like your experience, they would forget about it. Somehow magically they'll stop asking for it because, you know, it's just they'll forget it one day because
speaker-0 (39:05)
You would keep it the candy separate, so d each put it all together.
speaker-1 (39:13)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But they weren't allowed to have it in their room. So it would be, you know, like up in a high cupboard or just, you know, just somewhere where they couldn't see it. If you put it on top of the fridge, then they're gonna remember it every night and they're gonna ask for it. But as long as it's out of sight, I cannot tell you I had I mean I would find candy six months later. so yeah, I think in the end just trying not to and you know, we also know so much about like eating disorders and all like body
kind of image perspectives where we don't want to necessarily demonize it either, ⁓ and make it seem like it's this total forbidden fruit and it's so horrible. But you can explain to you know, children what, you know, what nutrition is and, you know, that this is something that's extra, doesn't have any nutritional value, so it's just like an extra treat. But I I will say just out of sight, out of mind, almost every kid just I mean, even my son who was like so, you know
obsessed with how much he earned and how it was like he had really felt that it was i he had earned this by trick or treating. Not that that's that hard but yeah I think out of sight, out of mind. the switch witch too. Have you heard of the switch witch?
speaker-0 (40:22)
That was his job. Yeah. That's great. That's a great idea.
⁓ n not ⁓ until recently. Tell tell them about it.
speaker-1 (40:34)
Yeah, so the switch switch is another great idea where you I find talking to them ahead of time is great. ⁓ where you would say, Okay, you know, and and I would let them keep, you know, five or six pieces or something or ten pieces at the most, and then the rest they would give to the switch witch. And so you put the the candy out on your doorstep and the switch witch comes and takes all the candy and they they get they bring it
No, sorry, and they bring the child a present. So, ⁓ and it could be, you know, anything from, you know, a new book to, you know, a you know, some special, you know, not you don't want to spend a lot of money, don't get yourself into it 'cause this is gonna happen every year. We don't need another Yeah, yeah. Just like something, you know, reasonable and small, but ⁓ but that they, you know, are excited to exchange that for and that also worked for
speaker-0 (41:21)
Lego set maybe it might be.
speaker-1 (41:32)
for some years. ⁓ so that's another idea. And then you can also donate that candy as well as as an option. Unless you want to eat it yourself, which some parents love Halloween candy and they appreciate having that around. ⁓ but yeah so those those are some options but I would say yeah just trying not to make it into a huge deal and keeping it very low key on like
much we talk about it and how much we don't like it will probably turn out a little better then.
speaker-0 (42:12)
I think so. I think that's a great idea.
speaker-1 (42:15)
Okay. Okay, great. Well thank you so much for listening. Yes. Happy Halloween. Enjoy. And we'll speak to you again soon. Bye.
speaker-0 (42:19)
A happy Halloween.
