Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello and welcome to Parenting Matters. Real Talk from toddlers to teens. I'm your host, Rebecca Walsh, director of Early Childhood Matters in San Francisco. I'm joined by my longtime mentor and co host, Belann Gioreto, to answer your parenting questions from the early years all the way through adolescence. We're both seasoned and humble parents and early childhood educators with over 50 years of combined experience teaching, directing, and coaching parents.
We started this podcast to help you raise more resilient and confident kids and teens by giving you the parenting tools you need to increase your effectiveness and your joy in parenting. This is Real Talk where we always talk about multiple strategies to try because all kids are unique and what to try when just nothing else seems to be working. So let's get real and let's get to it.
[00:00:50] Speaker B: Hello, everybody, and welcome to the very first episode of Parenting Matters. I'm Rebecca Walsh.
[00:00:56] Speaker C: I'm Bella Anduretto.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: And we are super excited to be here with you today.
Belen and I met nearly 16, 17 years ago, nearly 20 years ago, as I was interviewing for a position at the school Pacific Primary, where Belan had been the director for many years. And we had the opportunity to work together there, where I learned an incredible amount from. From Van over the years and worked there for almost 10 years until actually my third child was born.
And when I started to focus more on. On Early Childhood Matters, the organization I had started in 2010 with the intention of supporting families in those early years and really helping families have the tools to, to, to thrive in those early years.
And Early Childhood Matters started when my oldest, who is now a freshman in high school, was turning into a toddler.
Hard to believe.
And Joey was turning into a toddler. And I thought, oh, my goodness, great, I'm finally going to be in my wheelhouse. This is my realm. I have all this experience. I have a degree in child development. I have a master's in religion and psychology, some family systems theory. This is going to be great. I finally going to know what I'm doing.
[00:02:18] Speaker C: And boy, was I humbled, as only parenting can do.
[00:02:24] Speaker B: Yes. Brought straight to the knees. And I actually started to think, well, I need a parenting class on teaching parenting toddlers. Like, can I? Where's that class?
And at that time in San Francisco, I couldn't find a class on parenting toddlers. And I went to Natural Resources in the Mission, where I had taken a lot of their new parent classes and support groups and birthing classes. And I asked them, do you have a class on the tantrums and the No's like, my child is moving into this next stage, where's the class?
And they said, no, we don't have a class, but if anybody would be the perfect person to teach, it would be you.
[00:03:04] Speaker C: That's wonderful. And they were right.
[00:03:07] Speaker B: So that's kind of how it, how it began. And I think for me, I always had the intention with when I developed my parenting classes, the intention was always what was most helpful to me as I moved into parenting from being a teacher.
And with that, that lens of what was so helpful, what was I so thankful that I knew from a developmental perspective, from a brain development perspective. I remember parenting with, with other new parents along that journey. And as our babies became toddlers, a lot of my friends were saying, like, why are they doing this? Why are they doing this? And one thing I was really, at least I knew the why.
And I was very confident that this was totally normal. And that was very helpful. But I found, of course, the strategies that you learn as a teacher are so much harder to apply to your own children. But I did have a bit of a resolve where I had seen other teachers actually not being able to apply, like you have that, that whole, like, psychologist kid or teacher's child kind of syndrome where it's harder to apply those things. So I did have, like, a certain resolve that I really, really wanted to apply the strategies that I knew could be effective with my.
And boy, that was not easy. I failed multiple times at that. But I always came back to and was so thankful that I had the strategies in my back pocket.
I had that developmental lens in my back pocket. Really just wanted to share that with parents, wanted to share that information that I had learned and that had helped me over and over and over on my journey, absolutely no matter how many times I failed, but also how many times I succeeded and. And I really wanted to share that. So that was kind of the origin of early childhood matters. And as my children have grown, my classes have grown to expand to parenting toddlers, to parenting preschoolers, to middle school parenting, and to new mom support groups, second time mom support groups, and our Nature Explorers programs. So that's kind of just the natural evolution of early childhood matters. But this podcast I'm so excited about because I feel like I have been so inspired by you and your wisdom.
[00:05:24] Speaker C: Thank you.
[00:05:25] Speaker B: Over the years, Philantha is the top mentor that I've ever had, and so much of how I have gone out in the world with, with early childhood matters, and more importantly, as a parent who has been inspired from your Wisdom and your knowledge of early childhood education and of parenting. So I thank you so much for that.
[00:05:52] Speaker C: Thank you.
[00:05:54] Speaker B: And you know, when we recorded the first episode, which is on fostering independent play in children, you'll have to check it out.
Went away thinking, man, here I've been out there like the Jedi skull, spreading this gospel, and now I get to.
[00:06:08] Speaker C: Sit down with the Yoda.
Too kind. You're too kind.
[00:06:13] Speaker B: Well, it was amazing. And, and I know that you have so much wealth of experience. You've been in the field now for how long? A year ago.
[00:06:24] Speaker C: Since the, the good old 70s.
[00:06:26] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:06:27] Speaker C: When I left college, I had a. An amazing psych professor. I was a psychology major who said to the class, if you want to change the world, you work with young children. And of course, in the 70s, we all wanted to change the world. And it's something that I hadn't thought of, but I was so inspired by that and had the good fortune of working in the co ops, which in those days in the city were just stellar.
They were under the parent ed division of community college.
[00:06:59] Speaker B: Oh, wow.
[00:07:00] Speaker C: And so the, the teachers were considered professors of parent ed.
And the parents had to come one day a week and work at the school as their lab. And then every week, every Tuesday night, they had to come to a class.
[00:07:15] Speaker B: Every Tuesday night on parenting.
[00:07:17] Speaker C: And it was incredible. And so I was lucky to work with a visionary, Emily Stone, who trained me. And I was so green.
I can't believe some of the things that I was asked to do that parents actually listened to me. I soon became a parent parent. And I was a very humble parent.
And I realized as, as we said earlier that what you know, can work as a teacher may not work with your own child because your child knows you better than anyone.
[00:07:47] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:07:48] Speaker C: And their job is to test. You already know this. And our job as parents is to find ways to be effective, find ways to help this child be socialized in this world and really, in doing so, increase the enjoyment of being a parent and to really not dread being with our child, but to look forward to it because we have some new skills. And again, a lot of times parents want to blame their child for their behavior. We have the power, we have the ability, we have the brains to make these differences. I did have a father once said to me, But Belen, my 5 year olds are so much smarter than I am yet. Twin boys. And I said, oh, that's not true.
But I feel that way sometimes. You feel overwhelmed, but they're not smarter than you. And your job how lucky you have these smart little boys is to learn skills so that you don't feel overpowered and overwhelmed. It's a terrible feeling to have. And that's our goal. We want to increase the enjoyment of being a parent. Give you skills that actually work.
A lot of the books only go so far and then they don't tell you what to do when all else fails. We want to build that confidence in you and make you an effective parent for your own sake. But also, the studies absolutely show that children raised in this way and are with effective parents actually are the most happy. And all of us want happy children, the most successful in whatever they pursue and have a far better life than children who either have parents who are super permissive or who are very authoritarian.
So this is exciting for us. We have a lot to share with you and we look forward to having a great discussion and a great series.
[00:09:48] Speaker B: Yes. And, you know, going back to the format of our podcast, we would love to hear from you. We'd love to answer your questions. So please go to earlychildhoodmatters.org you'll find a podcast page there and a link where you can write in your own questions.
[00:10:04] Speaker C: Oh, that's great.
[00:10:05] Speaker B: And Belen and I will be answering those questions here live on the show.
And just as Belen said, we really want your parenting enjoyment to go up.
[00:10:17] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:10:17] Speaker B: We don't want you to dread being a parent.
We've been there before.
As parents, we are incredibly humble.
But we want to give you the tools so that you can increase your enjoyment and effectiveness, knowing that it is so wonderful for you and your family, but also for that long term outcome of your child and their health and well being and happiness.
[00:10:43] Speaker C: Yes. And you will see the difference in the stress in your, in your household. You'll see a child who's calmer, happier, more confident.
But it starts with us. We have to be able to create that structure and we also have to expect the behavior again. That's their job, is to test and our job is to be ready in a very positive but firm way. We're permissive with feelings, firm with behavior.
[00:11:09] Speaker B: Yes. I think we were talking about how we've seen a trend over the years to become more flexible with the feelings. Parents are getting that.
[00:11:18] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:11:19] Speaker B: They're understanding that, which is wonderful, right?
[00:11:21] Speaker C: Yes. Generations ago, a child was told how they felt. The child would say, oh, I hate grandma. No, you don't. You love her. They're constantly being told, you're wrong, you don't know how you feel.
And I'll tell you how you feel. But what I've noticed in some of my classes is that.
[00:11:38] Speaker B: And talk a little bit more because you started with the co op and then what was your evolution? Oh yes, we got so excited about our class.
[00:11:46] Speaker C: I love working in the co op and worked there many years as a teacher and a director and a parent educator.
Then I moved to Pacific Primary which was an absolute joy. It's an amazing school. Parents are very involved even though it's not a co op.
They have a lot of responsibility and actually added a second site that was built in a year and that's the Orange Sun School. And I brought parent ed to the school in a more hands on manner and that became a great joy for me.
[00:12:20] Speaker B: And how long were you there, Bellam?
[00:12:22] Speaker C: I was there 27 years and retired recently. Yes, I'm enjoying it very much. But I'm very proud of the work that I did at that time at Pacific Primary.
[00:12:32] Speaker B: Yes. Talk about setting up a foundation and expanding a mission for that school. So amazing work.
[00:12:40] Speaker C: Yeah. The nicest compliment I get when I run into parents, which I do a lot, is that parents say to me, oh, you made me a better parent. You made me a better parent and a more effective parent.
And I enjoy being a, I enjoy being a parent much more now than I did.
[00:13:01] Speaker B: Wow, that is, that is the greatest compliment.
[00:13:04] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:13:04] Speaker B: And aren't you excited because this is when you're listening to our podcast. This is our goal and our joy for you and I know that Belan can help you to become a better parent and I know many of you have taken my classes over the years and have learned from me and I'm just again so excited to be able to sit down with you in this format where you can listen to just tidbits from, from both of us where we can share and just with that joint goal of helping you to become a better parent. What, what could be better?
[00:13:34] Speaker C: As I said, Rebecca and I are very humble. We know how hard it is to be a parent. We certainly have made our mistakes.
[00:13:42] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:13:42] Speaker C: When you get the successes that, and that's what we want for you to even just get one area that's difficult, be it bedtime, meal time, going to school, picking up toy, whatever it is to get one.
Success will really help you build on your confidence and it will spread. It absolutely will spread.
[00:14:07] Speaker B: And maybe we will end this intro by a little story that I never knew about you until today, which was that we had the exact same inspiration for going into the field of early Childhood.
[00:14:23] Speaker C: Oh, really?
[00:14:24] Speaker B: Yes. So I went into college undeclared as a major. I always knew I wanted to work with children and families, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a school counselor or a therapist or maybe a teacher like my mom was, but I just wasn't sure enough with any of those. Nothing was like, totally resonating. They had, you know, for undeclared. All the departments would come and do their spiels. And so I went to all of them and I went to the child development department and Dr. K was giving her speech and she said 90% of the brain develops by the age of five. So if you would like to make a difference in the world.
[00:15:04] Speaker A: Oh, wow, you found the right place.
[00:15:07] Speaker B: And that was it. I was sold.
Yeah, I know. I never knew that you had the same experience.
Yeah. So. And that's, you know, Vlad and I really, really believe that parenting matters. We really believe that early childhood matters and how we set the foundation for life. But we're also on this podcast going to be talking about, as I have adolescence now. Maggie is turning 13, probably by the time this podcast is released.
She's just a few days away. As she told me, mom, I only have a week left of my childhood.
[00:15:43] Speaker C: I was like, that's great.
[00:15:46] Speaker B: But I have a 13 year old and Joey is 15 and I also have a 9 year old. But we really want to talk about these early years, but also share kind of just from the heart of what stage of parenting I am in also, then that gives me a way to pick the lance brain about the stage of parenting.
[00:16:06] Speaker C: Yes. I always said I would write a book about parenting adolescence when I survived it. Well, you survived, but there's. And there's actually a lot of fun, a lot of fun to look forward to with adolescents.
[00:16:21] Speaker B: And I remember you saying that to me from the very beginning.
[00:16:24] Speaker C: Well, because everybody paints it as such a horrible time.
[00:16:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:28] Speaker C: And it's challenging and different skills are needed.
Very different skills.
[00:16:33] Speaker B: Yeah. But you always said that, that it was fun, that you loved parenting your boys.
[00:16:38] Speaker C: Yes. Not every day.
[00:16:39] Speaker B: Not every day.
There were some days I wouldn't want.
[00:16:42] Speaker C: To relive most days.
[00:16:45] Speaker B: Yeah. No, but I love that. And again, it's about increasing our joy of parenting and knowing that even parenting.
[00:16:50] Speaker C: Adolescents can be joyful and parenting adult children.
[00:16:54] Speaker B: Yes. We'll have to do another whole. Another. Well, we'll have to do some episodes on that for sure.
All right, well, thank you for being here. Thank you for being interested in learning more from. From us. And we are really excited to answer your questions and continue to inspire you.
[00:17:12] Speaker C: Yes, there's nothing more important than being a parent.
Truly have a very challenging but very rewarding job. And it doesn't have to be so lonely. It doesn't have to be so frustrating. It doesn't have to be so scary.
We need to support each other and help each other through these stages and find the enjoyment.
[00:17:34] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:17:35] Speaker C: Find the joy.
[00:17:35] Speaker B: Absolutely. And we are so excited to have Belann's wisdom continue along with all of Rebecca's.
We're super excited for for you to be willing to bring that to this larger audience beyond Absolutely. The school communities that have been so privileged by by your wisdom over the years. So so stay tuned.
If you like the podcast, please share it with your friends. Please post on your on your socials. Nothing could be a greater gratitude for for us than than your help and support in spreading the word about our our new endeavor together.
[00:18:15] Speaker C: Absolutely. What fun.
[00:18:19] Speaker A: Thank you so much for listening to Parenting Matters. Real talk from toddlers to teens where your personal parenting journey matters and your questions are always welcome. If you enjoyed today's episode, we'd love it. If you'd like, subscribe, leave a rating or review and share the podcast with a friend. It really helps others find us and supports the work we are doing to support parents near and far. Check out the show notes. Leave your parenting questions in the comments or on our webpage earlychildhoodmatters.org podcast. There you can also find even more resources and ways to stay connected. If you like our podcast, check out our full list of in person classes in San Francisco and on demand parenting classes on our site. Use code parenting matters 15 for 15% off. And don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. For our next episode. We are diving into how these same concepts of fostering independence apply in the teen years.
Whether you are a parent of a teen, in the thick of it and feeling like there is a countdown until this kid needs to be ready to live on his own or you are wondering how these concepts you are beginning to instill will matter in the long run, you won't want to miss it. Until then, take care and remember your parenting matters. And in case no one has told you lately, you are a wonderful parent and you're doing an amazing job.
I can tell because you're listening to this podcast.
